Before the Appraisal

There is a reason why Im here.
n there's also a reason why I've named this blog 'fauxpasqueen'.
Its not everyday that one can relate to 'Office' in a manner in which you feel that your life is being replayed on TV over and over again.

This is NOT about today.
This is about FOREVER.

So, I appear to have a problem wid authority. Today being my annual appraisal, Im going to get plenty of that in my face. I suppose enough to digest for a while! Think I've already hinted at the obvious- am not bum chums with Big B. come to think of it, have never really been. :(

Neway, have been suffering from palpatations and sweaty palms for over a week now, waiting for today to come. n It's finally here. Have begun the day on a negative note:

• Big B returns from a funeral. Me like a pro-active subordinate that I am go upto her to pay my condolensces.

Me- " How are you? Hope everything is ok?", she promptly replies, " Yes. But Dad fell ill at the funeral. Just needs some checkups". I'm nodding vigourously, " Ok. hope he's ok soon!". she says, " Yes.".... awkward silence filled by mutual nodding for no reason.

Me, " Ok... Ok" she, " Ok."... me, " Ok. Peace and Love". She's like, " Ok".

I walk. n I wanna hit myself. 'Peace and love'?????? I mean what were you thinking woman. That is simply NOT how one pays ones condolensces. n Ive just discovered I'm a walking-talking ass.

Neway. I try to put it behind me. I cannot even begin to think what kind of adjectives would be running through her head in my name. Moron? Dumb? Wierd? ... forget it... I dont even want to go in that direction, coz it makes me feel worse about the latest faux pas.

n then, she comes upto me to tell me that the appraisal is not being done by her alone. Its Big B+ Big Big B ( her boss). My only question being- Why? The entire countryside gets bambooed by their IMMEDIATE superior, NOT the entire management. Is this a mind game? or is it a conspiracy against the weak and dumb founded? Will I be clinically dissected or throttled in seconds? Will I forget my words and make a fool of myself again or will I be able to counter their arguments? Should I kill myself before the ordeal or after?

Am FREAKING out... what else can I possibly do?